The Vision of the Flame
by Darkmoon RavenScar
Summary: The Fellowship have an important quest to complete, but strange occurrences and accidents keep hindering their progress. Not to mention several new faces showing up that have no business being there. Is one of their own to blame for their bad fortune? Will they be able to fulfill their destiny?
1. Chapter 1

At the battle of Helm's Deep

Aragorn and Gimli sneak out to attack the orcs from behind. While they're busy fighting, Legolas hops on top of a rampart to get a better view

Legolas: (peering around) Aha! There they are! And they thought they could sneak off without me noticing. (Turns to closest group of orcs) Pssssssst, hey, look down there!

The orcs look confused, then spot Aragorn, and race down to surround him. Legolas reaches down and grabs Gimli by the hair, yanking him up to the rampart

Gimli: ARGH

Legolas: Shh, Gimli, it's fine, why don't you go punch some orcs?

Gimli: Ooh!

Aragorn: Hey! Guys! I'm surrounded down here!

Legolas: (holds knife up like microphone) Aaaaand ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the highlight of the season, the face-off between Aragorn son of Arathorn, and the horde of bloodthirsty orcs! It promises to be a fight to remember, so hang on tight!

Aragorn: Hey! Can you guys hear me?!

Legolas: It looks like the first group of orcs is closing in, oh yes I see they're going for their signature move, the simultaneous attack, OH would you look at that ladies and gentlemen! Ooh, that's going to leave a mark! Ouch, now that's what I call a low blow. Hey hey hey, that's just uncalled for! Well folks, it looks like our lone ranger is down for the count, and possibly won't return for next season!

Aragorn: Legolas! Gimli! Anyone, can you hear me?!

Legolas: (pokes his head over the ledge) Hmm, did you say something?

Aragorn: Get me out of here!

Legolas: Oh goodness! If you needed help why didn't you say something sooner?

Aragorn: I DID!

Legolas: (surfs down the stairs on a shield while singing the Indiana Jones theme)

Legolas reaches the bottom of the stairs, kicks an orc out of the way, and walks over to Aragorn, who is now lying on the ground.

Legolas: Man good thing I'm here or you'd be toast, huh? Haha! Oh pull it together you big baby, you have a whole other arm after all!

Gimli: Legolas, I… saved the last orc for you…

Legolas: Not now, you psycho dwarf

Aragorn: Guys… guys.. do you hear that? The sky is… really beeping today...

Gimli: Huh, I think you might have lost some blood, buddy

Legolas: Hmm? Oh, that's just my beeper, they need me over on set #31B! See you guys later! (prances away)

Gimli: Dude, Aragorn, you better get up off the ground, or they'll make us redo this scene

Aragorn: Gimli, since when do you have a twin brother?

Gimli: Aw geez.

* * *

><p>Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, and Aragorn are at Weathertop when the Nazgul catch up to them. Aragorn is in the midst of beating them back with sword and torch when suddenly, a strange, white light blooms overhead. A girl falls out of the sky, landing right on top of one of the Nazgul.<p>

Girl: Ouch!

Nazgul: SCREECH!

Girl: Yow! (scrambles off of the Nazgul, stumbling in the dark)

The Nazgul attacks her with its sword, but the girl manages to trip it, causing the Nazgul to fall flat on it's face.

Aragorn is still fighting to keep the rest of them away from the hobbits. He defeats one, but meanwhile another is sneaking up behind him, sword raised. Just as it's about to stab him, the girl kicks it in the stomach, sending it toppling off the edge of the cliff. The rest of the Nazgul flee, defeated. Aragorn turns to the mysterious newcomer.

Aragorn: Thanks for your help! But how did you get here?

Girl: Beats me. Oh hey, that guy managed to cut me, dang. (faints)

Aragorn: Aw man! What a cop out. Now I have TWO invalids to get to Rivendell.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning

The girl wakes up, slowly blinking

Girl: Where am I? What's going on?

Gandalf: I am Gandalf the Grey, a wizard. You're in Rivendell, home of Lord Elrond and the elves (gestures to Elrond, who walks up amidst much swirling of robes)

Girl: …..

Elrond: Can you speak? Tell us your name

Girl: I'm… known as Magoleth

Elrond: (frowns) an Elvish name, and yet you are mortal?

Magoleth: Well, you see, I'm half Elvish. My parents died when I was very young, so I'm an orphan. It was said that when I was born, angels wept at my beauty, and for the difficult life that I-

Gandalf: Whoa hold up, we don't need your whole life story.

Magoleth: But- but it's very dramatic and-

Gandalf: No seriously, we don't need all those details

Magoleth: Pffft, you're just afraid that hearing my absorbing and remarkable story might make you glad you haven't lived my peril-ridden life, yet make you wish you had a story half as interesting to tell about yourself.

Elrond: God, no. What are you, a walking student edition thesaurus? Just tell us how you got here.

Magoleth: (pouts) I don't know. I was minding my own business, then there was a flash of light, and I was in the woods.

Gandalf: (strokes beard thoughtfully) This is indeed mysterious. So many strange things happening lately… I wonder if this girl was placed in our path as a boon, or a hinderance?

Magoleth: Hey, I'm right here you know, I can still hear you

Gandalf: Hmm? What? Oh, I, that is, I'd better be going so you can rest up!

Magoleth: Wh- I'm not injured, I'm fine, I'll come with y-

Gandalf: NOPE got secret things to attend to, seeyaaa!

Elrond: Yeah, I gotta bounce too, but don't worry, you can hang out with my daughter Arwen

Magoleth: Ok, that's… Ok… guess I'll just… chill here…

Arwen walks in

Arwen: Hi! (smiles brightly)

Magoleth: Hi… so, what do you do around here for fun?

Arwen: I could braid your hair!

Magoleth: …...….yeeaahhh, um, I'm gonna go… find the…restroom… (walks backward slowly towards the door, then runs out)

Magoleth: God this place is boring. Ok, gotta find that wizard guy, see if he can get me home. Geez, these people don't even appreciate my dramatic backstory…. (hears voices from down the corridor) Oh hey, what's this? Could it be a secret meeting that I definitely shouldn't eavesdrop on? (winks) Oh yeah, better mind my own business!

Magoleth creeps up to the entrance to the meeting hall, listening carefully to catch what the council members are saying

Legolas: …and you have my bow!

Gimli: And my axe!

Magoleth: (thinking to herself) Oh, sweet! A weapons party! I can totally play that! (sneaks off back down the hallway to her room)

Arwen: Hey, you're back!

Magoleth: Yeah, yeah. Ok, listen, I need your help. Can you help me pack up a bag? I'm going to heading off on a long journey...

The next day

The fellowship is making the final preparations for their journey, the morning light still soft. Magoleth watches as Aragorn says goodbye to his girlfriend, then approaches the group.

Magoleth: I think I'm supposed to join you on your quest

Gandalf: Not gonna happen. We already have enough people.

Magoleth: No, you don't understand. I was brought here for a reason. I can't explain it, I just know I'm _supposed_ to go with you

Aragorn: Ugh, enough with the sappy shoujo crap. You would just slow us down.

Magoleth: Now that's where you're wrong. I have a skill that would be quite useful. Do you want to see it?

Aragorn: Not if it'll make me more _sappy_!

Magoleth: (scowls) Look just let me have your sword for a second ok?

Aragorn: (reluctantly draws his sword and hands it to her)

Magoleth hefts it, then slowly begins a sword conditioning dance. She gradually picks up speed until the sword is a blur. With one final spin she brings the sword down in a flash, stopping just short of Aragorn's forehead.

Aragorn: Ok, so you've some skill with a blade. But that's nothing special. What else can you do?

Magoleth: Convert US customary units to metric. Also I can belch the national anthem

Aragorn: (exchanges a glance with Gandalf) Alright fine, let's get going.


	3. Chapter 3

The Fellowship make it to Lothlorien, where they are brought before the Lady of the Wood. While they're all in awe of Galadriel, Celeborn falls over, revealing him to be a cardboard cutout.

Director: CUT!

* * *

><p>Someone dyed the Nazguls robes pink during the night. Due to budget restrictions, new ones can't be purchased in time, so they are forced to wear them.<p>

Merry and Pippin have been banned from the local supermarket, on account of public intoxication and lewd behavior. They also have to pay for the merchandise they ruined. Stories vary, but employees reported them collapsed on the floor, laughing helplessly over a box of twinkies.

Aragorn hops into a rowboat to go visit his girlfriend, Arwen. Just as he's about to shove off, he pauses, sniffing the air.

Aragorn: What is that? It smells like… barbecue…

He reaches under the seat and pulls the emergency blanket aside, revealing a pile of raw steak

Aragorn: What the….

Suddenly he's distracted by a noise from the trees on the shore behind him. Quickly he spins around to look.

Aragorn: AAH! BEAR! AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHHHHH

* * *

><p>The cast still haven't seen Celeborn. Word is that he got food poisoning. The Lothlorien scene is scheduled to be redone in two weeks. The cast is starting to wonder what is going on, and whether the string of strange incidents lately are coincidence, or if they could be related somehow...<p>

The Fellowship is gathered for a meeting

Gandalf: We must move swiftly. I feel it is no coincidence that the enemy always seems to be one step ahead of us. Some agent of evil is actively working to hinder us.

Aragorn: Agreed. Bad luck cannot account for all the things that have been happening.

Legolas: It's gotta be Saruman. He has the power for it, right?

Sam: I agree. I would suggest Gollum, but he's not creative enough to be the one behind all of this.

Gandalf: That may be. But the dark lord has many agents. We all need to be on our guard!

* * *

><p>A figure in a black cloak is huddled over one of the lost seeing stones, watching Gandalf and Saruman.<p>

"We don't know who else may be watching!" Gandalf declares.

The figure giggles madly and throws back his hood, revealing Legolas.

"Like meeee!" He cackles giddily.

* * *

><p>Aragorn and Gandalf are meeting with the warriors in Rohan when someone bangs on the door<p>

Gandalf: What is it!

Guard: Sir! The guards at the front gate say this man was found wandering outside, and claims to be a foreigner who can aid us.

Gandalf: Bring him in

Two guards enter, a stranger walking between them

Aragorn: So, another newcomer comes to us in this way, and on the eve of battle, no less.

Newcomer: Um. Hello.

Aragorn: I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to Isildur.

Newcomer: ...Nice to meet you

Aragorn: And who are you supposed to be?

Newcomer: I'm Jared Pechacek. Er, I mean, Jared, son of Jeff, from the house of…er… Frankenstein

Gimli: And you're a warrior?

Jared: Um… more like… Skald?

Gandalf: And let me guess… you just know there's a REASON you're here, right? Like, destiny or something lame like that?

Jared: Sure? You never know when having a highly educated storyteller with you might come in handy.

Gandalf: Uh huh. And where exactly are you from?

Jared: That's the strange part. I was minding my own business, when suddenly I was surrounded by a bright light, and the next thing I knew, I found myself outside, on those moors. I saw this city in the distance so I started heading towards it.

Gandalf: A bright light… that story seems familiar, doesn't it?

Aragorn: It does indeed. This is TOO weird to be a coincidence! Some unknown force is putting these strangers in our path on purpose. 


	4. Chapter 4

At the cast Christmas party

Gandalf is singing loudly and playing the piano with one hand while performing an impromptu fireworks show with the other, to the delight of many. The delight turns to screaming when some land in Eowyn's hair and she crashes into the snack table trying to put them out.

Aragorn walks in. Legolas spots him and walks unsteadily over.

Legolas: You're late

Aragorn: Shut up.

Legolas: You look terrible.

Aragorn: I am this close to making a blond joke

Legolas: Anyway where's you're girlfriend? (thinking, Maybe they broke up?)

Aragorn: (sighs) She had to be at some elf thing. Apparently Elrond insisted.

Legolas: Aww, what a shame (thinking, Damn. Oh well, I'll just have to go to Plan C!)

Frodo walks in, looking dejected.

Frodo: Can anyone give me a ride home?

Legolas: Well, where are Merry and Pippin?

Frodo: Out back smoking a joint. They're the ones that made me come here, and then they just ditched me.

Aragorn: Ok, well what about Sam?

Frodo: (points to the corner, where Sam and Rosie are slow dancing)

Aragorn: Aw buddy

Frodo: I hate Christmas parties

Legolas: My good lad, cheer up! Here, have a drink! (hands Frodo some ale) There will be other parties. Although, not as many for you, since you're mortal. HA HA! (knocks back another shot)

Frodo: Uh Legolas how many have you had

Legolas: And you know what else? The next three weeks of filming are going to be SO BORING. You know the battle scenes will take way longer than anyone plans for. And Gandalf will probably want to redo a bunch of sequences as usual. Gosh I hope nothing unexpected happens!

Frodo: But seriously, how many drinks have you had

Legolas spies Magoleth across the room, talking to a few of the Nazgul

Magoleth: Nah, don't worry about it. No hard feelings

Legolas: Oy! Hey Mag! Magoleth, c'mere!

Magoleth: Oh, sorry, better go see what he wants. Nice talking to you! (walks over to Legolas) What's up?

Legolas: Maaaaag, how are you? You look great. Hey, have you met my friend Aragorn?

Magoleth: Um, yes, I have actually

Aragorn: Legolas… what are you doing

Legolas: Whaaaaaat I just think you two would get along! (in a low voice) C'mon man, Arwen's not here, I won't tell anyone

Aragorn: What! Legolas! How can you even suggest that!

Magoleth: (glances from Legolas to Aragorn) Um… Hey Legolas! How's about you and I go get a drink!

She steers him over to the bar, winking at Aragorn as she walks past, who smiles in relief. Gimli, who had been been about to go up to Legolas, stops in his tracks. He blushes bright red, then scowls and walks out.

Magoleth: Hi there

Bartender: What can I get ya?

Magoleth: Just some jungle juice for my buddy here

Legolas: *hic* Look Mag, I'm telling you, you and Aragorn would be great together. I can set you up on a date. I know this place, best restaurant in all of Arda!

Magoleth: Doesn't he already have a girlfriend? Anyways, I actually already have a date coming up.

Legolas: What! With who?

Magoleth: That cute new guy. (get ups) Hey, I gotta run, but you enjoy your drink, OK?

Legolas: (bent over his glass) Grumble… grumble… how dare she… foil my plans… grumble…

Bartender: You alright there sir?

Legolas: I hate Christmas parties.

* * *

><p>The next morning<p>

Legolas is awoken by someone banging on his door.

Aragorn: (through door) Legolas, are you dressed yet

Legolas: (pulls pillow over his head) Uggghhhhh

Aragorn: Legolas. Hey! Rise and shine! (walks in) What! You're not even out of bed? Have you lost your mind?

Legolas: Please go away

Legolas is clearly the worse for wear. Aragorn, being a morning person, is completely awake, and shakes his head in annoyance.

Aragorn: The detail from Gondor will be here soon! You know we have to be at that meeting. You have to get up!

Legolas: (clutching head) Please stop saying words

Aragorn drags Legolas out of bed. With dismay he notes that Legolas is still wearing his clothes from the previous night, which are now quite rumpled.

Aragorn: (trying to find a clean shirt for Legolas) I can't believe this. How late were you out last night? You're eyes are all bloodshot too. Better not let Lord Elrond see you like that

Legolas: (thinking to himself) Note to self: think of another plan to kill Aragorn. Plan C didn't work.

Aragorn shoves a clean tunic into Legolas' hands, and pushes him towards the door as Legolas pulls it over his head. His hair is of course inexplicably immaculate.

They arrive in the meeting hall. The rest of the fellowship is already there.

Gandalf: (tersely) Ah Legolas, Aragorn, so nice of you to join us.

Legolas and Aragorn walk past him to get seats. Elladan and Elrohir snicker to each other as they pass.

Legolas: (grumbling) What are they doing here? They're not even in the next round of filming.

Aragorn: So are you going to tell me what you got up to last night?

Legolas: No. And even if I wanted to, I actually can't remember anything. So there.

Aragorn grabs Legolas wrist

Araogrn: Well maybe Inweth can give us a hint

Legolas: Who?

Legolas looks at his hand to see the name 'Inweth' and an address scrawled in purple ink

Gimli, sitting on Aragorn's other side, overhears them and scowls

Aragorn: Eh? Eh? So who is Inweth?

Legolas: I have no idea. I wish I could remember… what did I do last night?

At that moment Faramir and the rest of the detachment from Gondor arrives, and the meeting begins.


	5. Chapter 5

At the battle of Pelennor Fields

Aragorn: Hey, where's Legolas? I swear he was here a minute ago

Gimli: Ah well, more for me! (resumes hacking at orcs)

Magoleth: He seems to disappear a lot

Aragorn: Now that you mention it...

Suddenly Legolas is back, skipping across the field while firing arrows

Aragorn: Where were you? Have to go straighten your hair some more?

Legolas: Oh please. You're just jealous because you have a mortal lifespan and you have to live it with hair that looks like roadkill

Aragorn: Oh that does it *snatches Legolas' bow from him*

Legolas: Hey! (while chasing Aragorn) Give that back!

Aragorn: In your dreams, pretty boy!

Gandalf: Would you two quit flirting and pay attention? We have work to to.

Gimli: (scowls even more)

Legolas stops dead in his tracks

Legolas: What– _flirting_?! As if! That stupid acorn king started it!

Aragorn: I TOLD you not to call me that unless you want me to scalp you alive!

Legolas: I'm sorry, all I heard was 'Squeak squeaker squeak squeaken'

Aragorn: Shut up! I do not owe you a new acorn!

Suddenly, a column of glowing light appears, causing soldiers and orcs alike to scatter in fear. The lights fades moments later, to reveal three people in strange garb.

Aragorn: Oh great, not again

Kirk: Hey… this isn't the transporter room

Bones: No shit, genius

Kirk: Where are we then?

Aragorn: (while fighting an orc) You're in Gondor, and we happen to be in the middle of a battle!

Kirk: Ooh fun, my favorite!

Aragorn: This is so ridiculous! As if we need one more thing to deal with right now! If I didn't know better I–

Suddenly Kirk pulls out his phaser and shoots the orc that had been sneaking up behind Aragorn. Aragorn blinks, and turns to look at the orc.

Aragorn:…I'd say someone has it in for me. (looks from the orc to Kirk, and nods, eyebrows raised.)

Aragorn: But hey man, not bad!

Kirk: My pleasure.

Legolas: So you guys are clearly not from middle earth.

Spock: Correct. We were traveling through the Gamma sector, and nothing unusual was happening when we were somehow brought here.

Magoleth: (with wide eyes) Exactly as it happened with me and Jared!

Kirk: Hey, how you coin'?

Magoleth: (rolls her eyes) Don't even bother. I don't go for blonds.

Kirk: (pouts)

Aragorn: So, just as sudden as the other two. I think our mysterious foe could be…. Gimli, what is it?

Gimli: (Slowly looking back and forth between Legolas and Spock, muttering to himself) Space… space elves…..

Aragorn: I ….uh… where was I

Gandalf: I think you're right. Some servant of Sauron is still trying to hinder us. But to accomplish this would take a source of great power.

Spock: Captain, there is a non-zero probability that this Mithrandir could create a tear in the space-time continuum

Bones: Dammit Spock I'm a doctor, not a gigantic nerd! What the hell is going on?!

Spock: In simple language, we have travelled across space and time.

Gandalf: It's true that I have to power for such a thing, but I can assure you that I'm not the cause of this. We– Look out! (pointing at an Oliphant charging them)

Kirk calmly shoots the Oliphant, which topples, scattering orcs everywhere.

Kirk: Perhaps we should finish this discussion later.

Aragorn: Agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

Everyone is gathered for Aragorn's coronation. After he's reunited with Arwen, they go to greet the other members of the fellowship.

Gandalf: Congratulations!

Gimli: Well done lad!

Aragorn: Thank you! Legolas… what are you doing….

Legolas: (looks up from the thing he has huddled under his cloak) Nothing!

Gandalf: He's casting some sort of spell!

He and Aragorn wrestle the object from Legolas' hands

Legolas: Noooo! Let go let go! Unhand me!

Aragorn: What is that thing?

Gandalf: …. it appears to be a blender containing a sat-nav device, a Sega Dreamcast, coffee, and a copy of Ghostbusters.

Aragorn: (turning to Legolas) And what's this for?

Legolas: (with wide eyes) What's what for?

Gandalf: This is it… this is how Magoleth, Jared, Kirk, Spock, and Bones got summoned here from other worlds! Isn't it?

Legolas: Psssh, why would I-

Gandalf: Answer me! (points staff in Legolas' face)

Legolas: Ack! Ok! Yes!

Aragorn: You? It was YOU all along?!

Gandalf: An agent of Sauron in our midst this whole time! What I fool I've been to be so deceived!

Legolas: Hey! I never said I was working for Sauron! How insulting!

Aragorn: Then… who were you working for?

Legolas: No one! Let me tell you, sir, Legolas Greenleaf answers to no one but Legolas Greenleaf!

Gandalf: But why? Why do all this?

Legolas: Because of HIM! (points violently at Aragorn) Everything is always about him! Someone with such lousy hair doesn't deserve to be the main character!

Frodo: (lip quivers) But I thought… I was… the main character…

Legolas: (still ranting) Everyone is always talking about Aragorn! I deserve to be the center off attention, not him!

Aragorn: (with glazed over look on his face) All those weird coincidences, all those times I was attacked, or almost eaten by that bear, or fell off that cliff… it was all YOU?

Legolas: Eh heh… truce?

Aragorn: AUGHHH (lunges at Legolas)

Legolas: (dodges) Ho, you'll have to be quicker than that!

Aragorn lands face first on the ground, but in the process Legolas trips on him and falls down, his hair getting caught on Aragorn's sword

Legolas: (while tugging frantically on his hair, trying to free it) Oh the irony!

Frodo: I think we have to cut your hair to get you free

Legolas looks at him with a gasp and bursts into tears. Gandalf helps him and Aragorn get up and move under an awning. When they emerge, Legolas is sporting a blond mohawk. Aragorn says nothing, but has a huge smile plastered across his face. He walks over to Arwen and takes her hand.

Legolas: This is the worst day of my life

Aragorn: This is the best wedding gift I could have asked for

Aragorn and Arwen walk hand in hand up the aisle to the dias. Legolas is left to stand in the crowd, absently stroking what's left of his hair and muttering about revenge.

Legolas: Stupid…..son of a…bloody...of all the….

Gimli: Legolas, I… think your hair cut looks nice.

Legolas: Eep! Um…..…. you do? (blushes) Th-...thanks.

Up on the stairs, Elrond and Thranduil are standing together.

Elrond: So which do you think is worse as a son-in-law, a man or a dwarf?

Thranduil: Dunno, they're both pretty smelly.

Elrond: (sigh) Where did we go wrong

Aragorn and Arwen reach the steps in front of the crowd. They stop to greet Jared and Magoleth, who are standing in the front row with the Enterprise crew members.

Aragorn: Jared, Magoleth, will you be staying and living here in my kingdom?

Jared: Heck no. We're going with Captain Kirk and his crew!

Aragorn: You are? But why?

Magoleth: Are you kidding? We're going on an adventure in SPACE!

Jared: Enterprise, five to beam up!

Magoleth: See ya, suckers!

Jared, Magoleth, and the crew vanish in shimmering light.

THE END?


End file.
